Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned...

Today I noticed on my sitemeter that I was getting some hits from an unknown person searching for keywords *complaints against diane vespa*. After my initial reaction of creep-out-edness, I started wondering who might want some dirt on me. I'm certain it's not a client, as they are typically quite vocal over any displeasure. Perhaps a future client? Who knows... but it did get me thinking about who throughout my past might have a "complaint" lurking within. So I have decided, as a sort of pre-emptive strike, to just lay it all out right here and now and accept the consequences.

My brother has a big scar between his eyes that he got when I pushed him down our basement steps when we were about 3 and 4. He always thought it was an accident. Steve, if you are reading this, I AM SO SORRY!

Then there was the time when I was about 7 and my scaredy-cat sister was up every night having nightmares. So one evening as a sick joke I lay hidden underneath her bed. Later, when she went to get in to bed I reached out from underneath and grabbed her ankles. Today, it seems mean, but back then, it was hilarious. She says she still has a "twitch" to this day!

Lets see... once I sold a house to a bank-robber. No kidding. I didn't KNOW he was a bank robber at the time, although admittedly I was a little puzzled about how he couldn't seem to explain his source of downpayment funds on the loan app. It all became crystal clear when 2 weeks after closing I saw his mug on the front page of the paper, charged with bank robbery. I remember thinking "thank goodness, THAT deal is closed!"

OK, and I confess, that one time in college I was pulled over for speeding. I worked up the biggest set of crocodile tears you could imagine and batted my eyes to beat the band. I had NO money and was desperate. I was successful at evading a ticket, and as the officer was driving away I whispered quietly to myself "sucker".

I should probably admit too, that I taught my son how to burp out loud. Just for fun. He is so good at it now, that he can burp his ABC's. Dh comes home from work and laments.. "who did he learn that from?" I just shrug my shoulders and roll my eyes.

In grade school, I daydreamed a LOT... and some of it was less than pure thought. Through math class, history, geography, English, I rarely paid attention. I was such a poor student that, when Chef Kev posted this test on peoria.com, I got a score of "stupid". In my defense, as I was taking the test, I was daydreaming.

And I guess this is as good a time as any to confess that, since our son was born, if I laugh really hard or sneeze, I pee my pants just a little.

One final note to my mysterious snooper, if you send me your e-mail address, I'll try to keep you posted of any further transgressions.


Anonymous said...

Yeah, then there was this one time a band camp, Diane took 2 napkins instead on one ~ geeeeezzzz! Does her list of infraction ever end????
It is my experience that the person looking for dirt usually has more than their share on their score card. Also, this person should volunteer their spare time and do some good ~ It's called Karma!

Debbie Gizzi said...

I'll make sure I let your brother know. I'll try not to let him retaliate!